Well.   About that.

It figures that when I begin to write, I don’t know how to begin.  Everyone in writing that I’ve ever talked to has said just to write, even if it’s crap.  I hate doing that.  I hate drafts.  If it’s not perfect, or nearly perfect, the first time, I don’t want anything to do with it.

How did I end up here, then?  I’ve been in school for three years, going on four, and I’ve done everything right.  I finished the basic requirements within the first year and a half of coming here, I entered into the English program without hesitation or upset, and I’ve been stationed here all along.  Getting As, writing papers in a process that seemed to me more like breathing than actually putting forth effort.  It was pretty much perfect the first time… at least, that’s what I thought.  But I’ve come to realize a few things, mostly recently.  One of them is that perfection is boring, and being good at something can really turn you off.  Not in that way–but I mean, shut you down.  Make you sleepwalk through life.

So… I decided it was time to change something.

Last quarter, I went to the advising office to discuss what it would take to complete all of the prereqs for dentistry school.  The lady there was somewhat helpful–at least she was nice.  But she didn’t want me to become a dentist, really.  She ooh’d at my grades and gave me a list of all the things you can do with an English major, and then sent me on my way.  I cried on the phone to my mother for about an hour after that, and promptly began a discent into a depression that I’ve only recently gotten treatment for. 

I couldn’t shake wanting it, though.  My GPA is pretty ehh–I have a C and a D, both in Japanese II, which is dragging the whole average down, but at this point, retaking those classes doesn’t seem like it’s going to help much (because of the fact that it will appear on my transcript that the classes have been retaken–dental school is a bitch like that).  I’m going to concentrate, instead, on the biology, chemistry, physics, biochemistry, and macrobiology that I need to apply to the UW.

Let me just say this: I suck at math.  In order to get into CHEM 181, I need to take pre-calculus.  In order to get into pre-calculus, I need to take a Math Placement Test. Ha, ha, ha.

Tomorrow I’m going to the math center.  I will force them to tutor me.  Then I will take the test, and then I will take MATH 153 this summer quarter, and I will probably cry.  It’s not because I’m a pussy, but it’s because I’m used to breathing instead of making an effort.  My predisposition of being good at English has made me into a rich snob, without the money.

There are a few heavier things I have to talk about in this blog.  Most of them involve a friendship that I feel failed me recently… but I don’t want to be unfair about that, and right now I’m feeling too good to dwell on something that I know will eventually make me sad again.

For once, I’m glad I’m taking a chance.  I just have this feeling that if I didn’t try… I really would spend my life wondering.  And regretting.  And who doesn’t hate having regrets?